My son is 4 months... we already are in
Auroville... We... Me & my wife with my son.... Megh !
Parents came & went back to their
routine. We all had chillout time together. Rashmi & my mom
cooked, me & my dad finished it, I worked a lot with no stress &
Megh approved everything !!!
But now...
From making tea in morning to dessert
after dinner, from cleaning room in morning to putting the bed ready
in night, from making my son smile at sunrise to making him stop
crying to sleep at sunset... It is two of us who are responsible for
the events. No matter we are ready or not for the day, it is on !
Then.......
I started squeezing my presentations,
phone calls, mails & so called “drawings” in this schedule.
Nothing fits ! Then I try hard ignoring Megh's voice... still nothing
fits ! Then I start pushing tasks one by one to the time slot called
“After Megh sleeps” . Soon I am left with no work before he
sleeps & no energy after. Then I convince myself that let's take
three days off from work, concentrate on household work, help Rashmi
& look after Megh & then restart the work with refreshed
mind. No surprise, I start enjoying the later part so much that three
days holiday become two weeks in no time. Soon I start replying long
business proposal mails late night with single line & stop taking
calls from contractors. Soon it is three weeks & I have forgotten
that somebody needs to pay my bills & that somebody is the phone
call I just rejected.
One fine day after a month, I found
myself super tense & forcefully motivate myself to work late
night with extremely low work efficiency. Still, it is better as it
gives me a false feeling of doing something without compromising on
spending time with Megh. No income for one & half month. I am
digging into my reserves. Incredibly alarming thing is that I have no
reserves but incredibly beautiful thing is that I am witness to all
events in Megh's life. He started turning, he starting crawling 3
steps, He starting crossing door frame, he started chewing nothing &
everything, he started yelling loud.... All important events possible
in 45 days. Remember, when you are 360 months old, 45 days is just a
waiting period for passport verification, or delivery time for
material on site....Nothing else may happen. But when you are 357
months back, things are different ! Way too much faster !
Almost two months & my holiday is
still on. Megh is about to cross 6 month benchmark, All the projects
I started when he was born are still on same stage. A big loss !
Believe me...No regrets at all. I could have done 20 presentations to
client, could have made 20 drawings, Could have followed it up real
hard with contractors..... I am sure the projects would have been
same stage. But I would have been in even more catastrophic loss. Not
knowing how exactly did Megh's first teeth appear ….... !!!!!
Yesterday was 61st Sunday
consecutively I lived. Longest holiday after 10th exam ! I
am having kind of similar feeling. Lot of satisfaction for enjoying
time, still having a feeling that it can be little more. Lot of
motivation for new life & learnt lot of things in these 61
Sundays. They have given me a very important backseat to think a lot
in to basics. Learnt valuable lessons for next life from son &
his innocent behavior. Thought a lot about how exactly life should
move ahead & ready to take the driver's seat again.
I know hence forth also, whenever I go
out of the house for work, I will be missing something back
home....But now I will be having less regrets as memories of last two
months are so intense & fresh that they are no more memories.
They are the present. A real time present !!!
